Our attitude towards standards for quality of life and personal character should be akin to cutting and polishing jade. If a person can integrate this idea into their life, like using fine sandpaper to refine a precious stone so that its very best facet truly shines, then this person is exactly on course for good standards of behaviour and nurturing their character.
The hardest thing about interacting with others is to communicate with the one you love the most, and the one you can’t stand the most. At such a time you have only one choice: first, deeply reflect on yourself; accept the other person as they are, without defining their role in your life. Listen to them attentively with an open mind, without a trace of resistance. To engage in an entire conversation with empathy is the only skill you need. The biggest obstacle to successful communication is having expectations, and waiting for them to behave in a certain way. This kind of attachment will put immense strain on interpersonal relations. You should simply try to temporarily put away all your assumptions and anticipations.
“I’m sorry” and “Please forgive me” are the most important mantras for today’s hate-filled world, whether for negotiation and reconciliation, or interacting in larger groups. Regardless of whether you’re in a leading role or simply a participant, next time you encounter a stalemate conflict or an awkward situation, try using one of the above phrases. You shall see that space is created, enabling you to shake off those uncomfortable feelings. You’ll even think to yourself, “Is it really just that simple? I’d never thought that we could reconcile so easily.”
It’s inevitable that everyone will at some point in their life be insulted, misunderstood, or humiliated. Please refrain from thinking you are hopeless, trying to get even, or resorting to other ways of retaliation. You should read up on how Hans Christian Andersen overcame his many personal difficulties, or try to understand what kind of intense criticism Victor Hugo underwent after publishing Les Misérables. Yet all those public figures who earned a name for themselves in history have one characteristic in common: they were capable of forgiveness, patience, and enduring hardships. Therefore, when you are misunderstood or humiliated, consider the other person as your benefactor, because they are helping you to purify your karma and obstacles. When others insult you with the harshest words or behavior, regard them as your spiritual master, because they are in fact blessing you. Coming out on the other side of this experience, you’ll be made new, as if you’ve experienced a turn of good fortune. When others don’t understand you, criticize you or even jointly attack you, be happy, because at such a time all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas of the ten directions are giving you an empowerment.
From Shang Longrik Gyatso Rinpoche
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